Back To December
by starwarsfreak95
Summary: Takes place before the events in Angel. Fang writes a song, and it tries to haunt him.


**Author's note-Yes, I know I haven't updated in a while, yes, I know that those of you who have subscribed to me want to see more on Ava (if you haven't read it, Secret Wings is the title of the story I speak of), and yes, I know that it's been months. I have had no inspiration recently, so I'm writing one-shots as I think of them. Which isn't often. My last random one-shot that I posted was "Merry Christmas, Love" if that tells ya'll how long it's been… anyways.. Lets get on with the story, which was set without taking into account the events in **_**Angel**_

**Disclaimer- I don't own Maximum Ride or Back to December by Taylor Swift**

Back To December

I closed the message she'd sent. Max. For the past three years, I've been getting messages on my blog. I haven't posted anything new there since I left, but Max was, and still is apparently, very persistent. The messages were getting fewer and farther between though, making me realize how much they meant to me. How much she meant to me. As I closed my laptop, I heard a singsong young voice calling my name,

"Logan, where are you? I need some help with my algebra homework!"

I didn't respond, just got up and walked down the hall to my sister's room. The bright greens and purples of her room were a stark contrast to the dull black and blue theme of my own.

"Hey, Stella, what seems to be the problem?"

"Algebra," she made a face, "My teacher should not have been given a degree, she has no idea how to teach."

"Let me see what I can do to help."

I suppose I owe you an explanation. My name is Fang. After leaving my flock, and the girl that I love, I managed to find my family. My blood family. The CSM had posted the info on my blog, including the fact that my blood family had called me Logan. I got in touch with them about two years ago, and have been with them ever since. I have both parents together, and a sister named Stella.

Stella is a lot like me physically, but is my emotional opposite. She has the same olive toned skin, dark eyes, and hair so dark brown it's almost black as I do. Unlike me, she is bubbly and outgoing. She's also in a rock band with a few friends.

My parents are relatively normal, if a bit over protective. This is understandable, as they lost their oldest child for sixteen years. Thanks to the CSM, they know the basics of what happened to me, but no parent needs to know that their child was dead for approximately five minutes.

But back to the present.

I finished helping Stella with her homework, and was just about to leave when she said, "Hey, Logan, what's wrong?"

"What makes you think there's a problem?" I countered.

"Logan, I'm not an idiot. Are you getting messages from that girl again?"

"Look, if I am, it's none of your business," I snapped, as I walked away.

"Logan-" she began as I stalked off.

I ignored her, and as I slammed my door, all the feelings I had been refusing to face for years bubbled up inside. I roughly sat at my desk and started digging for a pen and paper. I came up with my favorite ballpoint pen and some empty sheet music paper. I blindly grabbed a guitar, and ended up with a seldom used(black), acoustic. Though the only musical sounds were some occasional chording, the sound of the pen scratching out notes rarely ceased.

A couple of hours later, I emerged from my room, tired and triumphant, holding a copy of my new song. I slid it under the door to Stella's room because she always bugs me about seeing my new songs.

I thought about the song often over the next few days, and kept feeling like I shouldn't have written it. My fears were confirmed when I got home from my part-time job in a music store to find an unlabeled CD on my desk. Going against my better judgment, I put it in my CD player and hit play.

The familiar chords were overlaid with many different instruments. Tears came to my eyes as Stella's familiar voice began the song I wrote for the girl I still loved.

_I'm so glad you made time to see 's life? Tell me how's your family.I haven't seen them in a while._

The flock had changed so much in three years. Iggy and Dylan hadn't changed much. Nudge was a beautiful fourteen year old girl rather than the slightly awkward preteen she had been when I'd left. Gazzy had lost many of his childish features, and was getting really tall and mature. Angel was nine, and seemed to have finally decided that she didn't want to take over the world after all. Then, there was Max. Her brown eyes were perpetually hard and unreadable to most people, but, even in a picture, I could see the pain she was hiding. Pain _I_ had caused.

_You've been good, busier than ever,We small talk, work and the weather,_

I can only imagine the weirdness when/if I ever see her again. I completely broke her heart. How is she to know that I broke mine at the same time?

_Your guard is up and I know the last time you saw meIs still burned in the back of your mind._

My last words to her were a lie. "I'll be there when you get back, go have fun." My last words were my last promise. I broke every promise I'd ever made to her. Even the nonverbal promises. Promises of forever. Promises I'd had every intention of keeping.

_You gave me roses and I left them there to die._

A flash of Max pinning my freshly picked corsage to my jacket at Total and Akela's wedding.

"Don't mess these up," She'd commanded, "I picked these especially for you. You should save them. As a memory of today or something."

Since she was looking down at my jacket, she missed the pain that must have been in my eyes; that I'd felt so intensely in my chest.

"Sure, Max, if you want," because after all, what's one more promise, one more lie, if it makes her happy for a few more hours? When I left, I put the roses on my bed, trying to get her to let go that much more quickly. I still don't know if I succeeded.

_So this is me swallowing my pride,Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night,"_

_And I go back to December all the time._

As I invisibly watched her come home, searching for me, calling my name, my heart twisted in my chest as I heard her familiar voice. She was worried about me. The whole flock was looking for me now, but they wouldn't find me, I would soon be gone.

_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.I go back to December all the time._

As I flew away, I expected a sense of release. Instead, all I felt was pain. Pain so intense that I could hardly focus. I had one goal in mind: get away from the flock, make them never see me again. Because I knew that if I faltered, I could kill them all. By existing.

_These days I haven't been sleeping,Staying up, playing back myself leavin'._

Ever since I wrote this stupid song, I hadn't had any rest. All I could think about is her. Max. Visions of her face; tear and dirt streaked, smiling, laughing, understanding, loving, motherly… brokenhearted.

_When your birthday passed and I didn't call._

My "sixteenth birthday"(to the flock) was the single most depressing day ever. It rained, no, it poured. Every flash of lightning was a vision of her face, every crack of thunder was a bullet in my brain. When it was quiet, all I could hear was the joy and wonder in her voice when I gave her that promise ring.

_And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,I watched you laughing from the passenger side._

Summer nights. Us flying. Me on the left, her on the right. Holding hands, racing, laughing. The sparkle in her eye when she looked at me. All these memories are priceless now.

_Realized that I loved you in the fall._

It was a gradual understanding. I started realizing how much I loved her when she kissed me on that beach after Ari tried to kill me. It was a gradual realization that it took me a long time to admit to myself. Then, once I had admitted it to myself, I had to tell her. When I realized that she loved me back, I was thrilled.

_And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind_

Angel's face as she told the flock that I would die first. Max's face. That was the beginning of the fear and doubt. That was the first mistake into the biggest mistake of my life.

_You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye"._

Actually, I never even gave her that. She got nothing to her face. But that was because I would never have had the strength to leave if I had seen her.

_So this is me swallowing my prideStanding in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."And I go back to December all the time._

Suddenly, I had a glimmer of an idea. It may be the recipe for heartbreak, but I had to try.

_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mindI go back to December all the time._

As I worked, Max's face as she read the letter popped into my brain. Her tears. My wanting to fly through the window and land on my knees in front of her, begging her forgiveness. I still want to do that to this day.

_I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile,So good to me, so right_

Her soft, suntanned skin, silky beneath my callused fingertips. That special smile that she saved only for me. The naughty glint in her eye when she wanted me to kiss her. All reasons why I love her. All things I miss about her. All a punch in the gut as her smile turns into tears in my memory.

_And how you held me in your arms that September night -The first time you ever saw me cry._

I felt her arms around me, mine around her, and watched the sleeping flock. Remembering what Angel had said before, I felt tears start to fall down my face. Every moment could be my last. Suddenly, I realized that I didn't want to die. I felt Max's arms tighten around me as she surely felt the wetness of my tears in her hair. She said not a word, just stroked my hair and let me weep. When the tears slowed, she leaned up and whispered to me, "I love you, fang, no matter what."

_Maybe this is wishful thinking,Probably mindless dreaming,But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right.I'd go back in time and change it but I can' if the chain is on your door I understand._

My quick brain was running through all the options, trying to pick the best one. I had no idea what she will do or say or react. I just hope it doesn't rip apart the fragile stitches that time has put on my heart.

_But this is me swallowing my prideStanding in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."_

I'm sorry. That's the best I can give her. I hate it, but that's it. If she doesn't accept "I'm sorry," there's nothing more I can do. I will stand in front of her, look her in her gorgeous brown eyes, and apologize with everything still in me.

_And I go back to December..._

December. I hate it. The month I broke two hearts, including my own. I don't know if she ever recovered, but I never did.

_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,Wishing I'd realize what I had when you were mine._

Freedom. Yea, right. Being away from her was less free than being with her. Because of the guilt that I carried like a ball and chain. Because she made everything right. Every time I was hurting, she made sure I was okay. Every time I thought I couldn't take one more second, all I needed to do was think of what burdens she bore on a daily basis. Everyone's. She bore everyone's burdens and her own, never caring about herself. When I saw her succeed at that, I could go on to bare my own problems.

_I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind_

Regret. Such a pointless, painful emotion. The one feeling you have no way to fix. Oh, how many regrets I have. The biggest and most painful regret I have is leaving Max.

_I go back to December all the the time._

As the final words to the song floated away, I knew what I had to do. After sending an email with the song attached, I began packing a small backpack. After this, I went to talk to my parents. They didn't want me to go, but, as I told them, I was coming back soon. Luckily, they were supportive of my flying and owned a big house out in the middle of nowhere. As I was just about to take off, Stella grabbed my arm,

"Be careful," was all she said, her eyes spoke much, much more.

I flew off into the night, never stopping until I got to the cliff. It was morning by now, so I could clearly see the figure standing on the side. Her eyes were closed, and her mouth was moving. Singing. As I moved closer, I heard the song she was singing. Her beautiful voice making the lyrics sound like music alone.

"I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right. "

My song. She was singing my song. I landed with a skid and added my voice to hers,

"Maybe this is wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming, but if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right. I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't. So if the chain is on your door, I understand."

Then I continued alone,

"But this is me swallowing my pride, Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night." And I go back to December... It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you, wishing I'd realize what I had when you were mine. I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind I go back to December all the time. All the time."

I ended the song, my light tenor hitting the notes.

"You broke my heart when you left, I hope you know that," was the first thing she said.

I winced. "I do," I said, "I broke mine as well. That was the hardest, stupidest thing I ever did. I regret it every minute of every day. If I hadn't thought I was protecting you, it would've taken me much less time to come back and get on my knees to beg for forgiveness. I'll do it now if you want."

Her eyes sparkled a bit with mischief.

"Go ahead. This I want to see."

I knew she was joking, but I wasn't. I wanted her to know how much this meant to me. I got down on my knees, and took one of her hands in both of mine, saying,

"Maximum Ride, I am very, very, very, very sorry for leaving. I love you with every thing I am, was, and will be. Would you do me the extreme honor of taking me back?"

She pretended to think it over.

"Hmm. What do you think guys? Is he sincere?" she asked others out of my sight range. I was slightly confused at this point.

A light familiar voice said, "Definitely sincere, Max, trust me."

"Alright, Fang. Welcome back to the family. One favor though?"

"Anything," I vowed fervently.

A slight grin crossed her face.

"Close your eyes," she commanded. I complied instantly.

POW! A saw stars and faintly heard Max's voice saying, "That's for leaving." Then I felt her soft lips brush my cheek. "That's for coming back," she whispered in my ear.

I opened my eyes. I was surrounded by the flock, all grown.

"Hey guys, nice to see you again," I said.

"We missed you," Angel said.

"Yea," Gazzy's surprising, cracking tenor added.

"Can you guys come with me somewhere?" I asked.

"Sure," Max replied, aided by the nods of the rest.

With that, we took off. We flew through the night, Max's hand in mine the whole time. Finally, we got to my house.

I burst in the door, grinning from ear to ear.

"Mom! Dad! Stella! Come here!"

Their surprised faces took in my face.

"I want you to meet my family."


End file.
